


blue eyes, broad shoulders, abs (you are all the same, aren't you)

by makemelovely



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, The Great Gatsby References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 20:23:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13107849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Lexie can't hear what Jackson is saying, she can't hear anything really. All she can hear are the words Mark isn't saying and all she can see is his eyes looking directly at her//or Lexie didn't realize Jackson's eyes were the same shade of blue as Mark's if she squints.





	blue eyes, broad shoulders, abs (you are all the same, aren't you)

Lexie lets Jackson kiss her cheek, allows him to wind his arm around her shoulders and his fingers to dive into her hair. It's relaxing, soothing even. Lexie leans her head back and closes her eyes, losing herself in the sensation of being taken care of. "Do you want to get out of here?" His breath is hot against her cheek.

"Yes-" Lexie clamps her mouth shut, fingers clenching. Her knuckles turn white. She had almost called him Mark. "yes. Let's go." Lexie stands up, adjusting her skirt. Jackson had never seen her wear one and Lexie thought he might like it. She doesn't miss the disappointment in Mark's eyes when she doesn't add a sway to her step. She knows Mark loves the particular skirt she's wearing. He used to take her to dinner in that, smirking when the waiter caught sight of the hickey just peeking out of the material. It had been hilarious, and they had laughed about it in-between kisses and drags of the cigarette they were sharing.

She doesn't get the same endless feeling when Jackson takes her out to dinner, givers her flowers and holds her hand. The whole nine yards. It would be sweet if it was what Lexie wanted. She wanted something different. She didn't want safety, or caution. She wanted reckless and wild and free.

(she didn't realize that she didn't want jackson, she wanted mark)

 

***

 

Mark used to wake her up every morning with coffee. He would smirk at, sleepy and rumpled. He wouldn't be wearing a shirt, and he'd usually make them late that morning because he hadn't put his goddamn clothes on. He would always say "What's the rush, Little Grey?" slowly with a yawn and a little stretch.

Jackson wakes her up abruptly, dropping a kiss on her lips and shoving the clothes she picked out the night before at her before disappearing to the bathroom. Lexie would loiter, slowly getting out of bed and slowly getting dressed and slowly brushing her teeth and slowly going downstairs to an empty coffee pot. She thinks maybe she misses Mark the most in the mornings, when she's too tired to pretend she's not thinking of him and his relatively orderly apartment. His apartment has no extra guests, no chaotic whirlwind of people moving.

(but jackson will kiss her softly with a smile and lexie will dismiss all thought of mark)

 

***

 

Lexie sometimes thinks she's Daisy. In love with two men, her Gatsby and her Tom.

 

***

 

Tom, her reliable choice. Dependent if not indulgent with other women. Jackson doesn't think she sees the way he looks at April sometimes, like he wants her more than he could admit out loud. Tom, a safe choice. There will be no fuss if she stays with Tom, no public outcry. After all, it's easier to stay than leave.

(nobody ever told her it's unfair to settle)

 

***

 

Gatsby, her favorite. He loves her, wholeheartedly. He watches Daisy with his entire being. Mark doesn't think she sees him watching her but Lexie does. She thinks he'd do anything if she'd only ask. Gatsby is a religion, all or nothing. Gatsby is an ultimatum, a delima.

(nobody ever told him that lexie really loved jackson. he was easy to love so she did. it wasn't life-changing, but it was true. no one told gatsby either)

 

***

 

Lexie sometimes thinks she's Daisy, in love with two men. Her Gatsby, and her Tom.

(nobody ever told her there is no happy ending. nobody ever told her that her tears were worth nothing, her sacrifice unimportant)

 

***

 

"I do." Lexie smiles brightly, her eyes locked on blue. It could be Mark, it could be Jackson. They both have identical blue eyes, and maybe that's why Lexie fell in love with Jackson.

(it is)

(so who is Lexie marrying? jackson or mark? but they have the same eyes so maybe she's marrying both. you have to choose, now. you have to choose)


End file.
